The Pause

There is a lot of writing and speaking out there about you choosing your emotions. You being 100% responsible for everything that happens in your life and that no one can make you feel anything - only you can decide how you react to experiences in your life.

Is this true? It's not really helpful when you are feeling strong emotions or thinking negative thoughts. We all have unconscious programs we acquired growing up that turn on in the blink of an eye. This is a good thing. Just imagine how little we could accomplish if we had to consciously be in control of every action. For example, when you start learning to drive a car you are clumsy and you have to pay conscious attention to everything. I remember being near our home with my mum teaching me to drive. I turned the corner to see a 'huge' bus bearing down on us from the top of the hill. I stalled the car in fright. In reality there was plenty of room and now buses, if I notice them, are normal size. Now I can drive from A to B without even remembering how I did it. My unconscious is in charge and will only engage the conscious in an emergency.

So it isn't a bad thing that you can react so quickly or not have to control every thought or action to live your life. The problem comes when we look back and say: I wish I didn't feel like this or say or think that. I want to do it differently.

Well, you can but you need to create a pause or gap between the event and your reaction. This pause gives you the opportunity to choose your reactions and ultimately your feelings and thoughts.

When people say: you choose your emotions and thoughts, I like to rephrase it to: you can choose your feelings and thoughts. This shift is less judgemental and more in line with how our brain works.